To set the minimal distance between flexbox items I'm using margin: 0 5px on .item and margin: 0 -5px on container. For me it seems like a hack, but i can't find any better way to do this.

#box {
  display: flex;
  width: 100px;
  margin: 0 -5px;
}
.item {
  background: gray;
  width: 50px;
  height: 50px;
  margin: 0 5px;
}

<div id='box'>
  <div class='item'></div>
  <div class='item'></div>
  <div class='item'></div>
  <div class='item'></div>
</div>

Best Answer

Flexbox doesn't have collapsing margins.
Flexbox doesn't have anything akin to border-spacing for tables (edit: CSS property gap fulfils this role in newer browsers, caniuse )

Therefore achieving what you are asking for is a bit more difficult.

In my experience, the "cleanest" way that doesn't use :first-child / :last-child and works without any modification on flex-wrap:wrap is to set padding:5px on the container and margin:5px on the children. That will produce a 10px gap between each child and between each child and their parent.

Demo

.upper
{
  margin:30px;
  display:flex;
  flex-direction:row;
  width:300px;
  height:80px;
  border:1px red solid;

  padding:5px; /* this */
}

.upper > div
{
  flex:1 1 auto;
  border:1px red solid;
  text-align:center;

  margin:5px;  /* and that, will result in a 10px gap */
}

.upper.mc /* multicol test */
{flex-direction:column;flex-wrap:wrap;width:200px;height:200px;}

<div class="upper">
  <div>aaa<br/>aaa</div>
  <div>aaa</div>
  <div>aaa<br/>aaa</div>
  <div>aaa<br/>aaa<br/>aaa</div>
  <div>aaa</div>
  <div>aaa</div>
</div>

<div class="upper mc">
  <div>aaa<br/>aaa</div>
  <div>aaa</div>
  <div>aaa<br/>aaa</div>
  <div>aaa<br/>aaa<br/>aaa</div>
  <div>aaa</div>
  <div>aaa</div>
</div>